Four nights, five days in a hospital. Not exactly my idea of a great vacation. Laying in hospital white covered in a hospital gown worn by who knows how many vagrants, lepers, or just other chronically sick people. Everything smells like mild bleach and regurgitated meatloaf. Sleeping is nearly impossible without the morphine because inevitably you have a roommate who is a hypochondriac, drug addict, thinks there are ants in the corner, or doesn't know the loudness of her own voice. Next time I'd like a brain dead roommate. One with no family so there are no visitors. And the phone will never ring. Or my own room.... that'd be nice.
At least they allowed me to eat. The bagged salad that comes from the dollar store with "steak" or "chicken cordon bleu." All made out to sound like restaurant finding but no better than my dog could make on her own. The only truly safe thing was cereal in the morning cause you can't fuck up pre-packaged Kelloggs cereal. The constant blood pressure readings and needles for blood tests is no fun either. Why can't they just take it out of the vein they've already punctured?? Pretty sure my blood is the same throughout my body. But protocol is just that, and the nurses just follow orders.
Getting strapped in for hosing from top to bottom is no fun. Lay on your side. Essentially a puppy pad under your ass. Bite on this plastic ring to keep your mouth open while you're out. Strapped in like an insane person ready for the electric shock therapy. All the while praying for the anesthetic to put me out of my embarrassing agony. I wake up in the holding room I started in. Everything is bleak and bright but I made it. I got out with no perforations or complications. No emergency surgery. Rolled back to my room like the invalid I am and placed back on my hospital bed to await a doctor to tell me the news. Of course he has a million other things to process and I'm no where on his priority list so I don't see him for hours.
Then he comes.
Multiple ulcers, strictures, and polyps. My appendix looks like it's fused to my colon. Well there's that side pain I've been feeling. I find out the doctor had to blow a balloon up my ass just to get the garden hose through. Well no wonder I can't eat without pain. If his hose couldn't get through that chicken I had for dinner last night isn't going to have much more luck. And I can't hand Mr. Chicken a balloon to help him on his journey.
A year without medial coverage: who knew.
Health is something the healthy take for granted. You can see a doctor whenever you want but no one does until they get sick. A cough for the general public means a trip to the doctors and some quick antibiotics to ensure that the ouchies go away. For me, I have to fight for my health. All the while my body is slowly dying inside because no one wants to make me better because I don't have health care. And the conservatives in our country think there's nothing wrong with our system..... But that's because they are on the naive side and only see the doctor when there's something wrong. And if there was something severely wrong they would get help, because they're not me.
I work. I pay taxes. I contribute to this "land of the free and home of the brave" just like any other citizen. So why don't I get treated like everyone else just because I don't have the money that other people do? And I'm not the only one in this situation. I am by no means the only person struggling to physically stay alive while also struggling financially to stay afloat in a tormented river with no paddles and no life jackets. There are hundreds, thousands, millions of us out there, slowly dying inside due to the lack of funding that we have. And the government shows us no support. Sure, my taxes go into paying for Medicade but do I qualify for it in my condition? And I help to support welfare mother's and children everywhere but can I get any of that assistance back?? Certainly not. I am actually bettering my life so I can't get the hand up that I need. My schooling alone make me disqualified for a lot of assistance because "well if you can pay for school...." Difference is I CAN'T. I have loans that help.
But perhaps I would have been better not working towards my Master's degree and just living off "the man" for the rest of my life.
I just wish this world, this country, made some sense sometimes.
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