Some Cheese with that Whine??

The pain's back.

I feel like all I do lately is complain. I don't know why. I'm on my mood stabilizers and I am super excited about moving. I guess it's just hard because nothing is set in stone yet. I got a call from my lawyers last week. New phone update means I didn't have the number programmed so I just got the message. Another invoice for $13 for my own medical records is on it's way to me. So far I've paid close to $100 for MY OWN records. That just doesn't make sense to me. AND I seem to be paying less than a friend who is requesting them on her own. So lawyers get a discount?? I don't get it. But I don't really have a choice in the matter. If I'm going to get disability or ANY help I need to have these. Not to mention the fact that Binder & Binder has been working on this for over a year and I've gotten nothing really. That frustrates me.

The pups are getting riled up I think. The moving of furniture and boxes really gets to them. I'm also pretty sure they can feel a change on the horizon. Even though I KNOW they'll be so much happier once we move it's still tough on them right now. And no matter how much Adrian and I *tell* them it will be better they don't really understand that right now. So they're acting out. Fighting with each other. Barking at anything. We have a small house so if you cook a lot of things in the kitchen it gets smoky. You don't even have to BURN anything for the fire alarm to go off. So it's happened a few times. That's lead to Koby barking anytime I'm in the kitchen. I could be putting dishes away but if he hears anything resembling cooking sounds he freaks. Good guard dog, bad for mommies nerves.

I'm probably looking at an ER trip in the next week if this pain doesn't knock it off. It's pretty bad this morning though it's gone from a hot poker feeling to more of an "alien crawling out of my abdomen" feeling. I don't know if that's good or not but it's different. My back is stiff as a board and I haven't been sleeping great. Yay for pain. I just want to be home. I know I whine about it a lot but there are so many positives waiting for me. I'm bored out of my mind and so is Adrian. Our funds are damn near non-existent right now so all we do is stay home and wait for Netflix to come. Which, if we could go out to dinner, hit a bar once in a while, do something outside the house, wouldn't be a big deal. We enjoy our movies and family time just as much as anyone else. But neither of us are "stay at home all the time" people. Both of us are spending way too much time inside our own house, mostly in our room, and we're getting depressed. I'm looking forward to a week in a car just for a change of scenery!

No news from unemployment yet. The next update isn't until Wednesday either because of the holiday. Watching our account dwindle while not having any idea when the next deposit is coming is more than scary. We're looking at loosing our phones for a week or so right now because we're just not sure how to pay it and we've put it off too many times. They won't put it off again. That frustrates me.

There's so much that needs to be done right now and I have so little control over anything it's ridiculous. Normally I'd just take the reins and make shit happen. It's not that easy right now because I have no control over anything. So I have to sit back and watch what unfolds and I'm not a great observer. Well I am but not when that's all I'm doing.

More television today. We have "Daybreakers" which is hopefully better than "Dear John." We're totally keeping up on homework so that's good. More of that today I'm sure, at least for me. I think  Adrian may be caught up on hers.

I'd just like to take the next step and be certain of that step when I set my foot on the ground. Whine, whine, whine I know. But I'm sick of the waiting game. I want to move forward.