Homeward Bound!

So my eyes look like puffer fish from crying yesterday. Although it may have been stressful we've come to a few conclusions:

- take what we can get now because the fight is no where near over.
- get the FUCK to California where resources and support are much higher
- OMG We're actually getting married!!

K so we've been making plans for quite some time now but the fact that I got the contract from Sacramento Parks and Rec yesterday really made it real. Suzi is making my dress with parts of my mom's wedding dress which is just so special to me. Not to mention the dress we have in mind is to die for! We have the reception hall all set, though we still need to book that one, and Adrian's mom is hopefully helping out with that. Invites can now be made as the ceremony site is a for sure. Our plans of getting to Detroit to meet/party with her friends, the wedding, and finally getting back home actually feel attainable.

After a long conversation with our mother's yesterday (too cute they were on the phone together) we, well at least I, feel like I should start packing! We've probably got a good 4-6 weeks before we actually get on the road (maybe less) but there are things we won't use in those 4-6 weeks that could go in boxes now. I'm going sometime this week (hopefully) to refill our ink cartridges and get the necessary pieces for making the invitations. That will be fun and productive for me. I have templates made up so it's really just assembling them at this point. Now if a few things would just fall into place....

We're waiting for Adrian's school loans to get caught up on a few things at the house. I just re-mailed my Unemployment Claim Form so hopefully that doesn't stop that money cause that would really help right now. I know you're not supposed to quit a job when you're on unemployment but my payroll checks were bouncing, the owner was stealing money from the company, he's a big fat felon, and the whole thing was just a scam. I'm hoping since I quit for good reason my unemployment will continue. Once we know we have that and Adrian's loans we're set! Packing shall commence at that point.

Thank god for Craigslist cause buying actual packing supplies can be a task in and of itself. But people give away boxes all the time! We're also going to try to find a trailer to buy cheep that we can re-sell in California. From what I see on Craigslist that may take a bit of time but I know it's doable. Stay with friends in Detroit, get the California and stay with my mom for a few weeks (YAY!) then we'll have a home to move into in Sacramento.

Being with my mom for a few weeks puts me a bit further from Sacramento than I want to be. BUT it gives me some good family, grounding time when we finally get back. I'll help her around the house when we're not house/job hunting. Cleaning, cooking, etc. and really give her a bit of a break. Family dinners a few times a week. Spending time at my grandparents pool. And Adrian gets a good chance to get close to my family before she commits to being a part of it for life. Although I doubt anything could change her mind at this point.

We've been through some rocky shit the last 11 months (our anniversary was yesterday). I came out here at a point in both of our lives when shit was craazy!!! But we've managed to make it quite a long way. There have been some fights, some disagreements, and many late nights, but I think, considering what we've been through, that we've done pretty well. And getting home is only going to make it easier because we'll have support. She's made friends with some of my friends, who are now her friends and therefore our friends! She loves my mom and step dad and they are very fond of her in return. And she loves me. Like no one else has loved me in the past. Good, bad, and oh so ugly she's never even contemplated walking away. She's faithful and reliable and although she's had some personal family issues she's never put our family aside to deal with them. We face everything hand in hand, for the most part, and at the end of the day I know that I have someone who cherishes me for me, not for who she wants me to be.

And that's a lot more than most married couples can even say about themselves.

We both have some things we want to change in our lives but for the most part the support is there. I support her changes and she supports mine. And we know that 5, 10, 15 years from now we'll be better and healthier for the choices we're making. I just know anyone else would have given up on me by now. With my health the way it is and my pain turned into anger she has had more than one, more than five chances where if she had walked away no one would have blamed her. She has gotten the worst of me unfortunately and still loves me regardless. I hope to be able to finally show her the best of me once I can get back to my roots and my medications.

We have some bumps ahead of us but who doesn't? As long as we are next to each other we can take the force of those bumps head on. Bad days, good days, a commitment means all of it. And I know, if nothing else, she's committed.

I can't wait to be home and show her why I've missed it so much. I know she'll love it and be able to make a beautiful life for herself, and for us, once we just get there. Packing, oil change, alignment, trailer.... these are the things we need to do in the next few weeks. I've waited 11 months now to start heading home.... another few weeks won't kill me.