Another Day Gone, Another Dollar Wasted

It's laundry day again. The day I've begun to loathe with every bone in my body. I put it off until the last minute because honestly then I can stuff as much as possible into the washers and hopefully save a bit of money. I'm guessing I'm looking at $15-$20 of laundry today. Money that would be much better spent in the gas tank or buying food but we really don't have a choice. Hauling all our unmentionables to the laundromat just to stand there in the sweltering heat for 4 hours is not my idea of a good day. I'd rather do two loads of laundry everyday than squeeze everything into one afternoon. I can't wait for our own washer and dryer.

Mom helped us out a bit with rent. Which is going to make things tight cause we have to pay her back immediately, but at least it gets our landlord off our back for a while. Hopefully everything will get cleared up and we can actually leave at the end of June. I'm getting a little frustrated though because the final steps that must be taken for us to get the go-ahead to move are beyond my control. And even the things "we" have control over "I" can't do anything about. I want to push and prod and bug until things are taken care of but it's not my place. As it stands we have 19 days to get everything in order and that's NOT enough time unless we are moving on it today. But I have no control over it.

I know Adrian is doing what she thinks she can do but I'm not sure we're pushing enough. It's not up to me to push though and when I bring it up to her she feels like I'm nagging her. Perhaps I am a bit but this is our future and my health here so I think nagging is not a bad thing.

I woke up last night with horrific pains. They were like baby gallstone pains. I was afraid they'd get that bad but they didn't. What scares me is that they were lower and on either side of my abdomen and reached through to my back. If it was stone pain but KIDNEY stones then WTF. So now I maybe have gallstones and kidney stones? That's great. A friend of mine recently had kidney stones and they said due to her medical condition she was more prone and because she drank a ton of iced tea that may have caused it. Well.... I drink a ton of tea. Of course I'm not a doctor and I can't diagnose myself but it was either kidney or Crohn's related but usually my Crohn's doesn't reach through to my back like that. But really who knows at this point. No meds for almost a year is bound to fuck something up inside you.

And this is why I nag. The longer I'm here the worse I potentially get. The longer I go without medication or pain control. And really, who knows what's going on inside me because no one here wants to touch me without insurance. I'm scared for my health but I have to push on because I can't just wallow in my pain. The house needs to be cleaned, the laundry needs to be done, and Adrian may have surgery before we leave so I really need to just bite the bullet and stick it out.

People say we'll get to California when we're meant to. I say I want to be there now. Can't we just compromise and make sure it happens next month?? I don't feel like that's too much to ask....