01 July, 2010

Ramble, Rumble, Toil and Trumble

Did you know that waiting causes anxiety, which can cause anger, or depression, which can literally kill you? Or make you sick enough that you want to die?

Yea waiting is killing me.

We look at our phones all day. We wait for the phone to ring that one time that seals our fate. It's such a small thing that controls such a large part of our lives. And we have no control over when it comes.

We are hopeful, although we have a back up plan just in case. We can move to Nevada with no issues (almost) so if Cali doesn't work for some reason we can move with her mom in Las Vegas. It's not home but it's a hell of a lot closer. But even then, we still have to wait.

We've been pulling through. Both of us are continuously on edge. We slept on and off until around 5pm yesterday cause once 5 hits we're pretty sure we're not hearing anything. It's like our entire days are on hold until we hear, or until 5pm. Whichever comes sooner. So I'm trying to focus on homework, and trying to help her keep up with hers. And we just wait some more.

I got an email yesterday from my advisor at UOP. My LAST CLASS starts on 7/20/2010. Six weeks past that I will officially be a Master's Degree holder. And I'm still not sure what the fuck I'm doing with my life. I passed the CBEST almost 2 years ago now so I'm sure it's still valid. IDK if I have the paper anywhere but I'm sure I'm in some registry somewhere. So I can substitute teach. I can work for UOP if they have anything available. Teaching scares the bejeebers out of me but it's something I can get into fairly easy (I believe). I'd love an office job or something like that but we've only got the one car right now. Assuming Adi will get a job fairly quickly she'll need the car. UOP would allow me to work evenings and even if I had to take transit TO work  Adi could pick me up. There's also an option to watch some of my nieces and nephews to help out. The payment is still up in the air exactly... It's really going to depend on what Adi can find. If she can find something where we don't need much supplement than I'd much rather watch my babies. If we need the extra income then I have no choice but to go back to work - health ready or not.

I also need to decide what I'm doing with my schooling. I could continue on at some online college and get my Ph.D. in Psychology (I don't think I want a Ph.D. in Criminal Justice). Or I can get applying to law schools. As much as I think the Psych option is a good road, I'm concerned if I go to Ph.D. level and decide later I want my law degree then I'll be screwed for financial aid. I know I don't want to do criminal law anymore. It makes my tummy turn. So I'm looking at corporate, family, or entertainment law. I think entertainment law could be flashy and fun, if I was good at it. Working with big celebs, running contracts with more zero's than I could ever imagine, and taking my measly 20% attorney's fee at the end! lol. Mostly I'm sure it's a pipe dream but it keeps me busy for now. I think that may be what I do.

Unless I'm not going to have a car which virtually means I have to do something online. I can just do JCC classes online... keep my loans in deferment. So much hinders on these little things. Little things I have no control over.

So I wait. I take loads out to the dumpster at night when our landlord's "spies" aren't around. He's loosing people left and right because this place just isn't WORTH the $630 in rent he charges. It's a dinky 1/1 with no dishwasher, no garbage disposal, no washer, no dryer.... things are falling apart and there's OUTSIDE tile inside which pretty much means unless I pressure wash it, it's not getting clean. So I feel like we constantly are dirty (when really we're not). He's loosing at least two homes this week, maybe more. People are finding 2/1 and even 2/2's around here for the same price or LESS. I'm not sure what he's thinking. But every time I see him driving around his Escalade, or one of the other 3 flashy cars he has, I can't help but think he's just in it for the money.

Scumbag.

So that's my nutty life in it's nutty nutshell right now.

I'm just a squirrel, tryin' ta get a nut, so what's up?

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