17 July, 2010

The Institution of Marriage

Or whatever it is we're allowed to call it.

Florida doesn't acknowledge same-sex relationships. Which is fine because we won't be here much longer! But California does. They have a Domestic Partner Registry. I always assumed it would be similar to marriage: go to the courthouse, have a registrar witness everything, official seals, etc. Nope, you sign a paper, have it notarized, send in a fee and *VOILA* you're registered Domestic Partners.

We were really bummed about not being able to get married this month. Life as it is probably won't allow us to get to California by the 31st. And at this point even if we did everything would be so crazy that moving in, signing a lease, and getting married in the same week just seemed ridiculous. So we moved the date to September 11th, one year after Adrian proposed. So it's still a great date. We're excited to say the least.

Adrian was looking online yesterday when she found the information about Domestic Partners. We called a notary in California and gave her the scenario and asked if we could have someone in Florida notarize it. She said YES! So we're going down today to sign our papers to become registered Domestic Partners in California. The paperwork will probably be completed before we even get there!

Funny thing is (and we didn't even realize this yesterday) when we initially were looking at dates for the wedding we first wanted July 17th... it would have been our 13 month anniversary and the 17th is always a special date for us. But the Sacramento Rose Garden didn't have that date available. Funny how we're signing papers now on July 17th.

It's ironic sometimes how life works out.

I felt my positivity shift yesterday. We had both been so down and stressed about everything but I woke up and it was like *bam* I just felt this overwhelming urge to be positive. And I have been, and will be. I have a feeling we'll be heading home very soon.

And when we get there we'll already be "married".... or whatever we're allowed to call it these days.

14 July, 2010

Oh What I've Missed

Every once in a while I look at something or think about something that kinda tugs at my heart strings. This happened tonight.

I was looking at my best friends birthday party invitation for her 30th birthday. And I began to realize how much I've missed over the last year:

Joeldon's Christening
Gavin's Birthday
Thea's Birthday
Laurie's Birthday
Erinn's Birthday and subsequent party
Howie going 100% digital

Holidays with family and friends.... numerous Second Saturday walks, BBQ's, days at the river... all of it.

I see posts on Facebook and I long to throw on my bathing suit and drive out to the river. I see the plans of an "epic evening" and know I'd give anything to be in California 3 days from now... but I know that will never happen. I have to roll with the punches and see where life takes me.

Of course missing things comes with gaining things as well. I have a love, a fiancee, a new home (to move into soon) and a wedding to plan. I have new babies and while I can't imagine my life without any of these things sometimes I wish I hadn't missed so much.

These are nights and times and memories that I'll never get back. Of course I'll make new memories on new nights. But that doesn't make the "missing" of the things I missed any less hard to bare.

I'll be home soon.

09 July, 2010

Oh The Inhumanity!!!

So our wedding got thrown off track and the drama that ensued made me almost want to get eloped. It really shouldn't be this hard. It's a wedding. A party. A celebration of love. WHY then must it be so damned difficult?

Sacramento Parks & Rec screwed up our application. Okay. No biggie. I mean I can still run through the park and get pics right? I mean who says the pictures only have to be take at the ceremony/reception site? I'm seriously contemplating putting my whole wedding party in vans or cars and going to cool places in Sacramento: the rose garden; the rainbow art piece at 16th and Q, the park in the same block, the capital building.... just neat pretty places. Why can't I have a bunch of randomness? That is if my photographer and wedding party is up for the running!

So we try to move the date. Not to close at this point because frankly the mess up is going to benefit us somehow. So we'll move it to September. It's when Adrian proposed and it just seems to make the most sense. But then people can't come! It's the beginning of the school semester. It's one of the busiest days in retail. There's a family reunion planned on a mountain top. Someone is going out of town here or has another wedding planned somewhere else.


If you can't come, you can't come! I'm sorry but with a wedding party of close to 15 and a guest list of 80 there's NO WAY we're going to be able to please everyone. So we pick 9/11 - the one year anniversary of Adrian's proposal. Then, someone who's not even COMING to the wedding, makes some comment about this being a sad day and we probably shouldn't pick it.

I'm sorry to be inconsiderate but 9 years ago 9/11 was a tragic day. And I'm sure that for some people, especially those who lost loved ones, it will always be a tragic remembrance. But I'm not one of those people. There will be memorials, sure. And some people will mourn the loss of loved ones. But I didn't loose anything that day 9 years ago and 1 year ago on that same day I was proposed to. SO that day has more positives for me than negatives so why shouldn't I schedule my wedding on that day - just because there is someone, somewhere, crying over something??

For a minute I wanted to elope. For another minute I thought maybe we just weren't supposed to get married. I just want to have a fun night with the people I love. I couldn't really care less about what day it is but the 11th just happened to fall on a Saturday.

So we set it. Take it or leave it. Come or don't come. I'm so damned frustrated with the whole thing it's absolutely ridiculous. We have the things we're planning and although I'm still stressing over finances that's a norm for me so I'm used to it. I always want to get away with spending the least amount possible but I have to give in for the sake of the wedding. And I will..... especially once we get moved and settled and I see that we're fine financially.

But for right now I'm not doing much wedding wise. I'll get fabric with Suzi, probably when she gets here. Maybe we can even finish making my dress before we move, who knows. I'll make bouquets and find bracelets once I'm back home. Until then, other than deposits, there's not much I can really do. Except focus my energy on getting us home for the least amount of money possible.

So the wedding energy is being put on hold. I can resume it whenever I want. For now I'm focusing on getting us out of here and my personal statement. These are what I believe are the two most important things right now.

05 July, 2010

California Bound..... Soon

Just as the weather becomes a bit more tolerable here in Florida we're planning to head out. Worst case scenario we should know by Friday what's going on and so far we've only heard that it looks promising. Here's to heading home!

Yesterday was great. Adi helped with the cooking/grilling and it was amazing! I had time to finish side dishes and clean the kitchen while I did it. Everything went so smooth. Plus it makes her feel accomplished which is good for anyone. I think we're going to grill more. While we're here anyway. Once we move she's agreed to let me teach her how to cook. Then she can make me a yummy candlelight dinner one night! I'm excited to teach her.

The house is pretty much in shambles but overall it's not that bad really. Boxes are everywhere but I'm going to start packing the trunk tonight. For such a small car we really have a lot of room. I'll start with stuff we really don't need. It'll make it that much easier to bounce once we know we can. The anticipation is killing me but I'm trying not to focus on it too much. We can't keep living like we're leaving tomorrow, even tough we very well may be.

We've bought some groceries recently. I think the final purchase we'll make is a small cooler. I don't really want EVERYTHING we bought to go to waste. We can have munchies for the car and some stuff to maybe save some money in the evenings. The less we eat out the better.

Jodi is going to call me today and get the money for the deposit/holding on our new home. Our official move date is the 24th right now. There's a small chance we may be ready before then and if the house is ready, and we have the funds, we'll move in early. I'm so excited to have our own place. We don't have much to furnish it with right away but we'll get there. Just to be able to keep it clean better is exciting me. To have a dishwasher again is an amazing feeling. Oh and a washer/dryer. Thank you for modern technology and finally having it in my home again. That and hardwood versus outside tile inside is going to make Sara a very happy person.

I'm finishing up my personal statement today. I have some great suggestions from friends that have really put me in the right frame of mind. I'm pretty sure that's the last thing I need to do to start my applications to law schools. If I remember correctly I get like 12 free from LSAC, which is nice because apps can cost $50 or more each. If I have to end up paying out of pocket for them it's going to have to wait. Moving is more important at this point. I'm hoping my graduate work will put me over the top. Law school still pulls me, even if I don't want to do criminal law anymore. I think entertainment law is flashy and fascinating. I can write million dollar contracts, take my 30%, and be set for a long while :) Do a few of those a year, get my name and reputation built up, and we'll be buying a home before you know it.

Who knows what will happen really. Most people say they enter law school with one plan in mind and find something completely different that interests them. I'm open to the idea but will see where life takes me. Adi's looking into nutrition and car stuff. Nutrition interests me but the car stuff is all her. I just want her to be happy doing whatever it is she decides to do. Happiness will make our home amazing, especially once we're settled in and decorated!

We have a few things to tie up today. But mostly we'll just be hanging out. Packing the trunk has to wait til a bit later when the "spy" isn't outside. I can't wait to tell our landlord off. And get on the road. That will make my week. Send me all the positives you can muster. I'm excited to be a Californian again!

03 July, 2010

And Now We Wait to Wait

So it's Saturday now. This means, due to the lovely three day weekend, that the soonest we'll hear anything is Tuesday. So we wait. To potentially be told on Tuesday there's more waiting to be done.

I'm loosing my mind. I will run out of my medications in a few weeks. I only got a 30 day supply. Sure, I have an apt on July 6th so I have the potential of getting most of them filled. And I'm going to try for pain management too. I'd just like to be under steady care, with steady doctors, and refills I know I can count on.

We're living out of boxes. Literally. Being here a bit longer gives us a chance to sell a bit more but it also costs us more to live here. Every day we're paying more in food, bills, etc just to be here. Another $176 this morning just to keep the cable on. Which I need for classes. I'd like to have cable in California. Now please.

I''m looking into law schools again. My law degree is technically a Doctorate and since financial aid will probably only cover one of those, and I don't need a doctorate in Psychology to do what I want to do, I've decided to go back to law. I may not want to do criminal stuff anymore but Entertainment Law really interests me. It's contracts but it's high dollar, fast paced, exciting. I could also do family law or corporate law and be just as happy.

So my next step is my Personal Letter. My life and accomplishments melded down into 3 maybe 4 pages. Something that will make me stand out to an acceptance board with my mediocre LSAT score and GPA. Something that says "This girl has determination and drive and can do anything she sets her mind out to do" instead of "Wow, what a poor life this girl has had." I'm open to suggestions.

Beyond that I don't know much right now. When I'm done with my law degree maybe I'll go right into practice, maybe I'll get my psychology license. I'm really into the behavioral therapy stuff; curing OCD's and integrative behavioral techniques. Systematic desensitization has always been my favorite. I'm all about exposure to things that scare you. It's a BDSM kinda kink I think. Who knows.

My life as so many tendrils right now. So many things waiting to take off. And so many things tethering me to the ground. I want nothing more than to pick up and run home to the safety of everything I know.

Instead, I sit here waiting, expecting to be told to wait some more.

01 July, 2010

Ramble, Rumble, Toil and Trumble

Did you know that waiting causes anxiety, which can cause anger, or depression, which can literally kill you? Or make you sick enough that you want to die?

Yea waiting is killing me.

We look at our phones all day. We wait for the phone to ring that one time that seals our fate. It's such a small thing that controls such a large part of our lives. And we have no control over when it comes.

We are hopeful, although we have a back up plan just in case. We can move to Nevada with no issues (almost) so if Cali doesn't work for some reason we can move with her mom in Las Vegas. It's not home but it's a hell of a lot closer. But even then, we still have to wait.

We've been pulling through. Both of us are continuously on edge. We slept on and off until around 5pm yesterday cause once 5 hits we're pretty sure we're not hearing anything. It's like our entire days are on hold until we hear, or until 5pm. Whichever comes sooner. So I'm trying to focus on homework, and trying to help her keep up with hers. And we just wait some more.

I got an email yesterday from my advisor at UOP. My LAST CLASS starts on 7/20/2010. Six weeks past that I will officially be a Master's Degree holder. And I'm still not sure what the fuck I'm doing with my life. I passed the CBEST almost 2 years ago now so I'm sure it's still valid. IDK if I have the paper anywhere but I'm sure I'm in some registry somewhere. So I can substitute teach. I can work for UOP if they have anything available. Teaching scares the bejeebers out of me but it's something I can get into fairly easy (I believe). I'd love an office job or something like that but we've only got the one car right now. Assuming Adi will get a job fairly quickly she'll need the car. UOP would allow me to work evenings and even if I had to take transit TO work  Adi could pick me up. There's also an option to watch some of my nieces and nephews to help out. The payment is still up in the air exactly... It's really going to depend on what Adi can find. If she can find something where we don't need much supplement than I'd much rather watch my babies. If we need the extra income then I have no choice but to go back to work - health ready or not.

I also need to decide what I'm doing with my schooling. I could continue on at some online college and get my Ph.D. in Psychology (I don't think I want a Ph.D. in Criminal Justice). Or I can get applying to law schools. As much as I think the Psych option is a good road, I'm concerned if I go to Ph.D. level and decide later I want my law degree then I'll be screwed for financial aid. I know I don't want to do criminal law anymore. It makes my tummy turn. So I'm looking at corporate, family, or entertainment law. I think entertainment law could be flashy and fun, if I was good at it. Working with big celebs, running contracts with more zero's than I could ever imagine, and taking my measly 20% attorney's fee at the end! lol. Mostly I'm sure it's a pipe dream but it keeps me busy for now. I think that may be what I do.

Unless I'm not going to have a car which virtually means I have to do something online. I can just do JCC classes online... keep my loans in deferment. So much hinders on these little things. Little things I have no control over.

So I wait. I take loads out to the dumpster at night when our landlord's "spies" aren't around. He's loosing people left and right because this place just isn't WORTH the $630 in rent he charges. It's a dinky 1/1 with no dishwasher, no garbage disposal, no washer, no dryer.... things are falling apart and there's OUTSIDE tile inside which pretty much means unless I pressure wash it, it's not getting clean. So I feel like we constantly are dirty (when really we're not). He's loosing at least two homes this week, maybe more. People are finding 2/1 and even 2/2's around here for the same price or LESS. I'm not sure what he's thinking. But every time I see him driving around his Escalade, or one of the other 3 flashy cars he has, I can't help but think he's just in it for the money.


So that's my nutty life in it's nutty nutshell right now.

I'm just a squirrel, tryin' ta get a nut, so what's up?